Family Relationships On Your Wedding Day
Weddings, marriage and relationships all take place within the well established families of our loved ones. What can we do when family members are being non-supportive of your decision to marry?
When a family member holds a mind-set that is non-supportive, you can experience a bumpy ride on the way to the altar that may continue into your married life. The heartache of your loved ones being non-supportive can have a huge impact on your relationship together.
It’s clear that you can’t make people be supportive, once they set a frame of mind it can be hard to find a way out of the defenses that build around a mind-set to defend its view.
The issue at this point is to find a way that you can be supportive to your relationship decisions. Is there something you have overlooked? A way to clarify something that has been misunderstood?
- Are family members being non-supportive because they didn’t feel include in your life decision?
- Does someone disagree with your choice of partner?
- Are they disappointed you didn’t include them in your runaway wedding?
- Is someone feeling left out and not included in your new life?
Sometimes a little clarity can break down the walls of defense. As soon as you are aware of the issue, have a one on one with your family member that is being non-supportive. With a view of hearing them rather than defending yourself or your decision. Find out what is at the bottom of their resistance. You want to do this as soon as you feel resistance, before one person resistance flavors the whole family.
Once you have the information you need, perhaps a new mind-set can be formed. Perhaps not. Either way the best first step is to gain understanding and listen. Sometimes loved ones just need to feel heard and then they can let it go. If not, if they can not find a way to be supportive, should you include them in your wedding day?
Most of the love in our lives come from our family, you surely don’t want to exclude them from the happiness you have in your life. At the same time you don’t want them to create a shadow on your joy. Not being invited can have a lasting effect that can be hard if not impossible to overcome.
Family dynamics can be intricate and involved. You know your family better than anyone outside of your family. Ultimately it is your decision. How can you make a decision that in the long run will be the most supportive of all?
Here’s one view. Be inclusive, be supportive, be caring, be loving. Because after all, that is what you really want. In this frame those that aren’t being supportive may be able to move to a new position as they feel included and part of the love.
As a newly wedded couple you need the support of your family. If you are a young couple, say in your twenties – the statistically odds of your marriage being a success are against you. You need the most support. If your marriage is beginning with a child, you will need more support than you can get.
It is impossible to see into the future but if you want to have a family life that is loving, be loving. That’s the place that holds the most hope.
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